Blooming in the Silence
Updated: Aug 3, 2020
It’s 3:30 am and there I laid on the floor, tired, weak and in pain. There was nothing I could do to stop what I was feeling but, PRAY. 10 am couldn’t come any quicker! I couldn’t wait to see my doctor! As soon as my doctor walked in she said, “you're hemorrhaging, this is what your body needed to do naturally, but it's taking a toll on you, and you won’t have any blood left by Friday. I am gonna give you some medicine to slow down the bleeding, but remember you can’t take any pain meds or vitamins till after the surgery.” As I looked at my doctor baffled with the words that just came out of her mouth, a sudden peace rested over me and a revelation was downloaded in my heart. A revelation that laid opposite to my current physical condition, but was fulfillment of what's to come.
I remember leaving my doctor, getting in the car thinking, “Bed rest for 2 weeks...what am I supposed to do for two weeks?” The thought of being stuck in bed for two weeks, should naturally be a relief, but not for me.
Have you ever been forced to rest? For a person that thrives in productivity, it’s one of the hardest, most uncomfortable feelings, the one place you will have to battle your negative thoughts, and truly face your inner heart with no one around most of the time? For those of you that can relate it’s totally different than going on vacation or having a few days off from work. Well this was my life, a few weeks ago and there was nothing I could do but lean into the discomfort.
After losing so much blood and having surgery later on that week, even my very own doctors couldn’t understand how I was still functioning. I quickly learned the power of mind over matter, especially with me reaching my pain threshold with no medication.
Days leading up to my surgery I was tired, overwhelmed and drained. I simply said “Lord what are you trying to tell me, teach me, show me during this time?” Through my dreams he simply showed me the culminating moment to end of the year; my year of silence. What started off at the beginning of 2019 spiritually and mentally was ending in the natural. The heavy bleeding I was experiencing naturally was a result of a miscarriage, but also signified the shedding of past generational cycles, trauma, pain and negative thoughts of a generational blood line. An ending I could have never predicted and a beginning being cultivated I could have never seen so clearly.
At the beginning of 2019, I felt an urge to cut back on my social media, as I was preparing to be married within a few months I felt a strong need to get clear about my purpose, role, write and create content for a Mental Health Wellness Blog. During this time, doors opened for me to get my feet wet in private practice. I was discovering my purpose and being challenged with the very same clients I said, in grad school, I didn’t want to work with. As the year went by I was heavy into wedding planning and continuing couples counseling. They always say weddings and funerals bring out people's true colors. Boy was that true.
While planning for my big day on the beautiful island of Barbados and meeting the demands of being a therapist, there was marital and self work to be done. Work that required me to sit with myself at the feet of Jesus; some days in silence and some days where my vulnerability was stretched with my now husband. There were days of not having the words to articulate how I felt and days where I felt alone and would just journal.
On the days I felt misunderstood, I prayed for guidance. On the days I had negative thoughts, I stood in affirmations and biblical scriptures. But more so I didn’t run from these feelings and thoughts. Rather I really leaned into them, unpacking the source and deciding my truth. As I leaned into the areas of my life that were on life support, my private practice case load grew. There was a renewal happening. The surgery of my heart, mind, and soul was a full on procedure. My daily introspection, rooted counsel, therapist and my grit pushed me everyday. The closer to the end of the year, the harder the push became especially after being placed on bed rest. Now I look back and see I was pushed into the very moment of the full birth of Simply Redefining.
A journey of simply redefining your past, purpose and blood line.
I can’t wait to share with you all that was downloaded in my heart over this past year.
Join me and learn more about healing your past, embracing your future and understanding your capacity through faith and mental health.
As we begin 2020 remember:
You are responsible for your healing.
You get to break the cycle, it’s time to lean into the difficult areas of life.
Slow down and rest, take a pause from productivity, everyone needs a reset.
Lean into friendships and relationships that challenge you, its connected to your healing.
Examine the feedback around you.
Forgive yourself, self correct, and start over.
As we begin 2020, take some time to be silent, get clear, go to therapy, get focused, develop some vision, grit, practice, create and execute.